We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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