We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
