Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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