dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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