remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
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In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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