I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
