Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
