I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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