SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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