if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
