so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
