oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
