dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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