and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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