We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
