You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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