Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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