Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize