Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
