THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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