I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
