a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
