Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
