I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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