Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
