just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
