I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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