WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
