We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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