nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
