White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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