hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize