It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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