Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
