Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you had me at cake vodka
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
