dude i'm inner monologue high
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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