I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
