It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
