I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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