State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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