I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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