so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
