apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
