I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
