just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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