So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
