My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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