If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
