I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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