Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
