And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize