I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize