I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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