my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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