dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
