The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
