why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
