So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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