I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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