I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
