yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
