If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
