just tell him i said nine months
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
