but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
