i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
