I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
