Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Four minutes until I can fart!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
