Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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